I'm having a bad day.
I had a dream that I wanted and didn't want at the same time.
I really don't want to do anything today except cuddle and watch COPS and CODmw2.
I really want to fill a gallon size jug with water and slice it with a samurai sword.
Or shoot guns. Or do something manly. So I can feel tough and not like a girl and vulnerable and all that shit. Fuck off Anthony Green, making me feel all sad and shit with your slowing down song.
6.29.2010
6.27.2010
GOD DAMMIT
I swear to God, I get the worst periods. Fuck this. When I go to Georgia, I'm just going to take my pack right on through and I just won't get a period for 2 months. I DON'T CARE. If this is the pattern, I'd get my period the first day of the cruise. So....fuck that.
Anyway, I wish I had a better fashion sense. And more money to buy better clothes. I'm super bored of my clothes. Ugh. Davis hasn't even been at work for an hour yet and I already miss him. I feel so clingy, but I want to see him as much as I can before I'm gone for 3 weeks because I will most certainly miss him.
Sooooo I'm thinking about making this private. I know Hannah, Jeze, Davis and Ian (I think) read this, but possibly more are reading this. Samantha Holman, you're following me, but that doesn't mean you read this. So, I might just do that. Maybe I won't. I'd still say the same stuff I would say if it was public. I don't really care who reads this, it's my blog and I'll probably never see anyone from High School again soooo fuck you.
Anyway, I wish I had a better fashion sense. And more money to buy better clothes. I'm super bored of my clothes. Ugh. Davis hasn't even been at work for an hour yet and I already miss him. I feel so clingy, but I want to see him as much as I can before I'm gone for 3 weeks because I will most certainly miss him.
Sooooo I'm thinking about making this private. I know Hannah, Jeze, Davis and Ian (I think) read this, but possibly more are reading this. Samantha Holman, you're following me, but that doesn't mean you read this. So, I might just do that. Maybe I won't. I'd still say the same stuff I would say if it was public. I don't really care who reads this, it's my blog and I'll probably never see anyone from High School again soooo fuck you.
6.26.2010
106th post
Today, I'm in a really bad mood.
Got in a fight with some bitch on chatroulette last night.
I'm pretty sure I owned her with my creepy lesbian comebacks more towards the end. AND correcting grammar is an automatic win because they feel so stupid.
And then I had to leave my boodles 30 minutes early.
And then Red Robin was out of hot chocolate.
And then, you, Jeze, kept telling me to get the doors WHILE I was walking to get them. So, I'll be honest, that pissed me off. And then I come home and realize I need gas. And 10 minutes before I left for work, I got my period. And then I see my hours for next week are 16. Never over 20 unless I pick up shifts. And now Jeze is going to ask everyone for their shifts and I'm going to feel the need to compete with my friend. Which always sucks. And I had to tell Davis I had his picture and that I couldn't get it framed for him cause it's $200 to frame it. I wish I could have. ): And I'm going to have 10 days to fuck Davis REALLY loudly while Megan hears so she knows who fucks him the best. And that's me. UHKAY?!
Look at this ugly dog:
Her name is Lily rofl
Got in a fight with some bitch on chatroulette last night.
I'm pretty sure I owned her with my creepy lesbian comebacks more towards the end. AND correcting grammar is an automatic win because they feel so stupid.
And then I had to leave my boodles 30 minutes early.
And then Red Robin was out of hot chocolate.
And then, you, Jeze, kept telling me to get the doors WHILE I was walking to get them. So, I'll be honest, that pissed me off. And then I come home and realize I need gas. And 10 minutes before I left for work, I got my period. And then I see my hours for next week are 16. Never over 20 unless I pick up shifts. And now Jeze is going to ask everyone for their shifts and I'm going to feel the need to compete with my friend. Which always sucks. And I had to tell Davis I had his picture and that I couldn't get it framed for him cause it's $200 to frame it. I wish I could have. ): And I'm going to have 10 days to fuck Davis REALLY loudly while Megan hears so she knows who fucks him the best. And that's me. UHKAY?!
Look at this ugly dog:
Her name is Lily rofl
6.25.2010
YAY
I got my laptop back and I'm on break for an hour so I'm currently sitting on my bed in my bra and a thong with the fan on. It's...what, 95 degrees outside? How the fuck am I going to survive Georgia? I know it's super hot, but it's humid too. ROFL I just want to get brown. I want to see Davis waiting for me at the bottom of the escalator and be like WHOA BBY GURL and throw me over his shoulder and think I look xFYNEx.
I got direct deposit so when I come back I'll be all good. And my mom is going to cash my last check before GA and send it to me so I can have like an extra $200 with me. Soooo stoked. I think it's so funny how Jeze can't believe all the food is free. All ALL the food is freezee.
I just took $80 out of my savings account to pay my dad so he can figure out my ticket. I don't want to have anything waiting for me when I come back. I want to get everything squared away in case this is a trick and they are sending me to C.A.R.E. outpatient program in Florida. This way, I can just say, "Yes, I'll go." and not have to worry about my car payments or anything. I don't want to put the pressure on my parents when they are at the Betty Ford Center to learn how to deal with an addict.
I'm living in a fantasy world. I need to Q U I T.
Most definitely coming back.
I'm reading into this too much, why am I letting this bug me? I trust Davis. I don't know her, so maybe I don't trust her, but I trust Davis and it takes two to tango. Unless you're a girl. Then you get raped. But the fact of the matter is, I don't need to worry. I'll be gone for 3 weeks and they'll just be hanging out and she'll be there, consuming all his free time. No biggie, I'm not gonna stop it. But if any of my tampons are missing from his bathroom, I'm gonna be pissed. Those are 'spensive! I just am excited to meet her and when she sees my boobs are bigger, BAM! Instant intimidation. Just like how Davis flaunts his huge penis and men cower at the sight of the flag pole he calls a penis. ROFL. Ah..... I hope this paycheck is big.
And yes, I had to google "how to screenshot on a mac"
command + shift + 3 = whole screen
command + shift + 4 = select screen
And that's all I needed so that's all I remember.
I want a second job.
I've been working at RR for 3 months less than Tina and she get's 25-30 hours a week and I get 14? She says it's a matter of seniority and I think she needs to shut up.
Am I not a good worker? I'd say I'm an ace. I know the servers, I know what they can handle, I know rotation, I catch Tina fucking up A LOT and she tells me where to go and OBVIOUSLY that's not the ideal place on rotation so I have to fix it behind her back. And I think if I'm doing that to the "top host" then that's crap.
I dunno, it would be nice to work at least 20-24 hours a week like Alexis usually does. Alexis, Tina and I have been there for a long ass time and out of the 3, I get fucked. A lot. Jeze, you don't count cause you live in Tooele and you DO get a decent amount of hours for how far away you live. I live 5 minutes away. I do menu tours. So what? What is it? Whatever, I just ranted and I don't feel better. Hilary, if you're reading this, just ignore me cause I know you're doing the best you can and we have a lot of hostesses and all that. I know, I understand, I just am frustrated. Nothing to do with you.
I'm going to go E A T !
I got direct deposit so when I come back I'll be all good. And my mom is going to cash my last check before GA and send it to me so I can have like an extra $200 with me. Soooo stoked. I think it's so funny how Jeze can't believe all the food is free. All ALL the food is freezee.
I just took $80 out of my savings account to pay my dad so he can figure out my ticket. I don't want to have anything waiting for me when I come back. I want to get everything squared away in case this is a trick and they are sending me to C.A.R.E. outpatient program in Florida. This way, I can just say, "Yes, I'll go." and not have to worry about my car payments or anything. I don't want to put the pressure on my parents when they are at the Betty Ford Center to learn how to deal with an addict.
I'm living in a fantasy world. I need to Q U I T.
Most definitely coming back.
I'm reading into this too much, why am I letting this bug me? I trust Davis. I don't know her, so maybe I don't trust her, but I trust Davis and it takes two to tango. Unless you're a girl. Then you get raped. But the fact of the matter is, I don't need to worry. I'll be gone for 3 weeks and they'll just be hanging out and she'll be there, consuming all his free time. No biggie, I'm not gonna stop it. But if any of my tampons are missing from his bathroom, I'm gonna be pissed. Those are 'spensive! I just am excited to meet her and when she sees my boobs are bigger, BAM! Instant intimidation. Just like how Davis flaunts his huge penis and men cower at the sight of the flag pole he calls a penis. ROFL. Ah..... I hope this paycheck is big.
And yes, I had to google "how to screenshot on a mac"
command + shift + 3 = whole screen
command + shift + 4 = select screen
And that's all I needed so that's all I remember.
I want a second job.
I've been working at RR for 3 months less than Tina and she get's 25-30 hours a week and I get 14? She says it's a matter of seniority and I think she needs to shut up.
Am I not a good worker? I'd say I'm an ace. I know the servers, I know what they can handle, I know rotation, I catch Tina fucking up A LOT and she tells me where to go and OBVIOUSLY that's not the ideal place on rotation so I have to fix it behind her back. And I think if I'm doing that to the "top host" then that's crap.
I dunno, it would be nice to work at least 20-24 hours a week like Alexis usually does. Alexis, Tina and I have been there for a long ass time and out of the 3, I get fucked. A lot. Jeze, you don't count cause you live in Tooele and you DO get a decent amount of hours for how far away you live. I live 5 minutes away. I do menu tours. So what? What is it? Whatever, I just ranted and I don't feel better. Hilary, if you're reading this, just ignore me cause I know you're doing the best you can and we have a lot of hostesses and all that. I know, I understand, I just am frustrated. Nothing to do with you.
I'm going to go E A T !
I don't feel
And it feels great.
So the surprise party for davis turned out great! He was surprised fa show.
the temperature in my room is perfect for sleeping so il take advantage of that right now. (:
Goodnight
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6.24.2010
6.22.2010
the catchapa I had to do for this was "baboons butt"
I miss my papa.
I forget what my letter said that I wrote him.
I forget what my letter said that I wrote him.
FUCK.
Fuck UTI's. This is the 5th fucking one I've had in 2 months. Fuck them.
Fuck dirty septums.
FUCK FACEBOOK. Fuck it. They just blocked me from sending messages for a few HOURS or a few DAYS. Apparently sending 6 messages in 10 minutes is misuse of facebook. So fuck that shit.
Fuck my lack of money.
Fuck my laziness.
Fuck not being in the mood for flamin hot cheetos. A nice bag in begging to be eaten in bed but I'm just not in the mood...
Fuck not having seen the second toy story.
Fuck today.
Fuck not being able to get your eyelashes wet for 2 days.
I haven't showered in 6 days I think.
But that's not a big deal except I smell like a ripe asshole and chlorine.
Fuck liking something and then remembering stuff and then you can't like it anymore.
Fuck red hot chili peppers.
Fuck "head under water" song.
Fuck cheap trick.
Fuck every time I die.
Fuck violent femmes "good feeling".
Fuck not having a ranch and bbq sauce cocktail.
Fuck conversing about the new spankwire videos.
Fuck not thinking Mason Moore is funny anymore.
Fuck me for putting off giving my dad his fathers day present.
I'm not giving it to him cause I think it's a retarded present. Fucking BK gift card.
Fuck Chester Cheetah for not being real.
Fuck this laptop for going from 100% charged to 86% in about 20 minutes.
Fuck whoever is knocking on my front door.
Fuck the F word that's not fuck. I hate when people say that word.
Fuck the people who think cunt is a bad word.
Fuck this phrase on the back of the FHC bag: It's just the right amount whether you're young or OLD!
What the FUCK are you talking about, no old person eats these.
No sane person would eat these, they're terrible.
Fuck Chris Kilbourns text still in the back of my mind.
Fuck insecurity.
Fuck the parking lot by Davis house.
Fuck not knowing how to write the possessive of 'Davis'
Davis', Davis's? Shit, he doesn't even know.
Fuck being absolutely and completely broke.
Fuck spending more than I make.
Fuck that rule.
Fuck wal-mart for having such expensive condoms.
Fuck Trojan Ecstasy.
Fuck yeah Trojan Magnums.
Fuck this room.
Fuck the pictures I got from high school dances.
Fuck my prom dress.
Fuck my senior ball dress.
Fuck my michael jackson shirt. Just fuck it.
Fuck Karin Slaughter.
Fuck me.
Fuck you.
Fuck breakfast.
Fuck dino nuggets.
Fuck this. I'm fucking negative as fuck right now and I'm not even mad. I'm just wanting to say fuck a lot.
F U C K .
Fuck dirty septums.
FUCK FACEBOOK. Fuck it. They just blocked me from sending messages for a few HOURS or a few DAYS. Apparently sending 6 messages in 10 minutes is misuse of facebook. So fuck that shit.
Fuck my lack of money.
Fuck my laziness.
Fuck not being in the mood for flamin hot cheetos. A nice bag in begging to be eaten in bed but I'm just not in the mood...
Fuck not having seen the second toy story.
Fuck today.
Fuck not being able to get your eyelashes wet for 2 days.
I haven't showered in 6 days I think.
But that's not a big deal except I smell like a ripe asshole and chlorine.
Fuck liking something and then remembering stuff and then you can't like it anymore.
Fuck red hot chili peppers.
Fuck "head under water" song.
Fuck cheap trick.
Fuck every time I die.
Fuck violent femmes "good feeling".
Fuck not having a ranch and bbq sauce cocktail.
Fuck conversing about the new spankwire videos.
Fuck not thinking Mason Moore is funny anymore.
Fuck me for putting off giving my dad his fathers day present.
I'm not giving it to him cause I think it's a retarded present. Fucking BK gift card.
Fuck Chester Cheetah for not being real.
Fuck this laptop for going from 100% charged to 86% in about 20 minutes.
Fuck whoever is knocking on my front door.
Fuck the F word that's not fuck. I hate when people say that word.
Fuck the people who think cunt is a bad word.
Fuck this phrase on the back of the FHC bag: It's just the right amount whether you're young or OLD!
What the FUCK are you talking about, no old person eats these.
No sane person would eat these, they're terrible.
Fuck Chris Kilbourns text still in the back of my mind.
Fuck insecurity.
Fuck the parking lot by Davis house.
Fuck not knowing how to write the possessive of 'Davis'
Davis', Davis's? Shit, he doesn't even know.
Fuck being absolutely and completely broke.
Fuck spending more than I make.
Fuck that rule.
Fuck wal-mart for having such expensive condoms.
Fuck Trojan Ecstasy.
Fuck yeah Trojan Magnums.
Fuck this room.
Fuck the pictures I got from high school dances.
Fuck my prom dress.
Fuck my senior ball dress.
Fuck my michael jackson shirt. Just fuck it.
Fuck Karin Slaughter.
Fuck me.
Fuck you.
Fuck breakfast.
Fuck dino nuggets.
Fuck this. I'm fucking negative as fuck right now and I'm not even mad. I'm just wanting to say fuck a lot.
F U C K .
I redesigned my blogger
I hope I can deal with it. Probably not cause there are too many colors.
ANYWAY, Davis shaved his beard off yesterday (: I really like it, he pulls it off really well. I don't have any after pictures, but here's a during:
Such a cutie, the stache gets me hot.
While we're on the subject of Davis, I just have to say this one thing.
Davis, I really really like you.
End.
But really, this is great, I feel happy all the time and I'm always excited to see you. Remember when we talked at first and we both had butterflies so bad that we stopped eating? rofl and we eventually just got so sick of them because we couldn't help that we got butterflies. (:
Today is Tuesday which means I close at work tonight. Speaking of work, I'm a little peeved. I worked all these tons of hours this week and picked up EVERYONES shifts and I'm getting like 37 hours this week, and I'm thinking, "Hey, maybe SOMEONE will see that I'm serious about making money and cut me some slack?"
This week: 14 hours. And 3 hours of a saturday night from 6-9 where I roll silverware.
MONICA rolls silverware.
They are not going to need me and send me home after about 30 minutes like they did last week and everyone knows it so it's kinda like a punch to the balls. Like REALLY? I get one REALLY good check and then the next week hardly any hours which is going to mean one average amount of money check. And I need like $400.
$72 - ticket
$45 - parking fines
$99 - july car payment
$65 - brazilian
$300 - georgia
So shit, I hope I don't get fucked these next two paychecks. Seriously, if I could get 30 a week till I leave and when I come back get one shift a week, I would. I'm fucking stressed as shit.
I'm going to go illegally download some music and then eat a sammitch.
ANYWAY, Davis shaved his beard off yesterday (: I really like it, he pulls it off really well. I don't have any after pictures, but here's a during:
Such a cutie, the stache gets me hot.
While we're on the subject of Davis, I just have to say this one thing.
Davis, I really really like you.
End.
But really, this is great, I feel happy all the time and I'm always excited to see you. Remember when we talked at first and we both had butterflies so bad that we stopped eating? rofl and we eventually just got so sick of them because we couldn't help that we got butterflies. (:
Today is Tuesday which means I close at work tonight. Speaking of work, I'm a little peeved. I worked all these tons of hours this week and picked up EVERYONES shifts and I'm getting like 37 hours this week, and I'm thinking, "Hey, maybe SOMEONE will see that I'm serious about making money and cut me some slack?"
This week: 14 hours. And 3 hours of a saturday night from 6-9 where I roll silverware.
MONICA rolls silverware.
They are not going to need me and send me home after about 30 minutes like they did last week and everyone knows it so it's kinda like a punch to the balls. Like REALLY? I get one REALLY good check and then the next week hardly any hours which is going to mean one average amount of money check. And I need like $400.
$72 - ticket
$45 - parking fines
$99 - july car payment
$65 - brazilian
$300 - georgia
So shit, I hope I don't get fucked these next two paychecks. Seriously, if I could get 30 a week till I leave and when I come back get one shift a week, I would. I'm fucking stressed as shit.
I'm going to go illegally download some music and then eat a sammitch.
6.19.2010
My bed
hasn't felt this soft EVER.
I'm going monday morning at 10am to get my eyelashes filled cause it's so convenient to never have to do my makeup. I'm downloading all the seasons of Intervention to my laptop RIGHT NOW cause that is my favorite show ever ever ever. EVER.
You guys are all changing your layouts and now I want to do mine too. Later maybe. I feel siiick. This is short, I'm gonna go.
I'm going monday morning at 10am to get my eyelashes filled cause it's so convenient to never have to do my makeup. I'm downloading all the seasons of Intervention to my laptop RIGHT NOW cause that is my favorite show ever ever ever. EVER.
You guys are all changing your layouts and now I want to do mine too. Later maybe. I feel siiick. This is short, I'm gonna go.
6.17.2010
intervention
I watch any time I have free time. It's SPLENDID!
This is going to be short since I have to shower and get over to Davis' house on time to surprise him with a lil somethin somethin.
Oh I painted my fangernails today (:
I think they look HAWT
kthxbai
This is going to be short since I have to shower and get over to Davis' house on time to surprise him with a lil somethin somethin.
Oh I painted my fangernails today (:
I think they look HAWT
kthxbai
6.16.2010
Hello,
Detective Teabz here.
I've been on a Flamin' Hot Cheeto binge for the past few weeks now. Some days are worse than others. Like now, I could punch a cat for some. Note how I say cat because they suuuuuuuck.
Jesus Christ, I really really need my Aunts check so I can buy gas and shit. I've been working SOOOO much this week. I hope my check works out for me.
I worked today and really hard too. I opened for Jeze and it was Stacy and I running the host stand. She helped me for a good hour and then it got SUPER busy and she was taking tables and shit so it was me alone and I was getting drinks and running food and setting up tables and doing silverware and seating people and putting them on waits and doing menu counts and stocking the bathroom and get doors and keep a smile on my face AND then corporate came in (as in Ted and Mark, Ted signs my paycheck so he's kinda sorta a big deal) (oh, and he's a dick so you have to SUPER impress him) so it was just a little crazy. But the good news is that Tiffany Jackson is still sick and Jeze has saturday night off so I am going to run alone so I can see if I can get like $40 cause I'm a broke ass bitch.
I look spooky hahHAHAHA SPOOKY ROFLROFLROFL
So, things with Davis and I are going especially well. He's great, reeeeeally great (:
He makes me super duper happy and I'm so glad he's my boyfriend. In fact, he should be getting off work RITE NAOW so I'm gonna go be a good wife and make him some mac n cheese. That was really sexist.
Speaking of sexist, Bill, my dad's friend is disgusting and I really hate him.
He fucking kissed my mom, can you believe that?
And my mom wasn't going to say anything and I got pissed so I told my dad and my dad told him if he did it again, he was going to kill him. And yet, they STILL invite him over to my house. And he gives me the creeps. Seriously, he does.
Oh my god... summer is here. And he knows where Davis lives, he got his address and everything from him the first time they met. :/ I'm going to cry naow.
I've been on a Flamin' Hot Cheeto binge for the past few weeks now. Some days are worse than others. Like now, I could punch a cat for some. Note how I say cat because they suuuuuuuck.
Jesus Christ, I really really need my Aunts check so I can buy gas and shit. I've been working SOOOO much this week. I hope my check works out for me.
I worked today and really hard too. I opened for Jeze and it was Stacy and I running the host stand. She helped me for a good hour and then it got SUPER busy and she was taking tables and shit so it was me alone and I was getting drinks and running food and setting up tables and doing silverware and seating people and putting them on waits and doing menu counts and stocking the bathroom and get doors and keep a smile on my face AND then corporate came in (as in Ted and Mark, Ted signs my paycheck so he's kinda sorta a big deal) (oh, and he's a dick so you have to SUPER impress him) so it was just a little crazy. But the good news is that Tiffany Jackson is still sick and Jeze has saturday night off so I am going to run alone so I can see if I can get like $40 cause I'm a broke ass bitch.
I look spooky hahHAHAHA SPOOKY ROFLROFLROFL
So, things with Davis and I are going especially well. He's great, reeeeeally great (:
He makes me super duper happy and I'm so glad he's my boyfriend. In fact, he should be getting off work RITE NAOW so I'm gonna go be a good wife and make him some mac n cheese. That was really sexist.
Speaking of sexist, Bill, my dad's friend is disgusting and I really hate him.
He fucking kissed my mom, can you believe that?
And my mom wasn't going to say anything and I got pissed so I told my dad and my dad told him if he did it again, he was going to kill him. And yet, they STILL invite him over to my house. And he gives me the creeps. Seriously, he does.
Oh my god... summer is here. And he knows where Davis lives, he got his address and everything from him the first time they met. :/ I'm going to cry naow.
6.12.2010
And in that deafening pleasure, I heard someone say:
If we walk away, they'll walk away.
Davis slept over last night and the night before. Thursday night was kind of a mistake haha we both fell asleep and he snuck out the next morning before anyone knew.
But last night he was invited to stay over so he did and we watched planet earth and I fell asleep and had many dreams...
I had a dream that Davis was in a car accident and died and somehow I found out about it and it was tragic And I had to tell Matt and he already knew. But it felt so real...and I was dwelling on all the things I didn't say and that was sad. Very sad to me. But I don't know what it means. Maybe that I should say the things I regretted NOT saying in my dream...but that can't be right because I'm not ready for the things I wanted to say in the dream... I keep thinking in the moment that I am, but afterward, I realize that it wouldn't be the right time. I wonder when the time will be. But it's not now. I don't think this makes any sense to anyone but me.
I hate waking up with someone and then they leave.
I think I'm going to watch a clockwork orange now.
No, no I won't. I cannot watch a clockwork orange.
I will watch...finding nemo or something stupid like that.
Over the Hedge maybe. rofl
No, I'll make Sam go with me to get some chai in a far away coffee shop.
This sucks. This is going to be my summer. Sitting at home on this laptop.
Working occasionally, seeing Davis after 10:30pm. I wish I had more friends out here. I wish Jeze lived here. I wish Hannah lived here. I want to take one of them and break into a pool or something right now. I need to go to SLCC and sign up for my classes, holy fuck.
I need to not eat all day either. If I'm going to be sitting on my ass all day, I cannot eat a whole $2.99 bag of Flamin Hot Cheetos for fucks sake. $.99 maybe, but still. NO. I should just start laying out. Jesus Christ, why don't I just make a summer to do list?!?!?!?!?
-Lay out
-Sign up for SLCC classes
-Hangout with Mindy from work/marmalade square
-Swim in Davis' pool
-Not turn into a cocooning caterpillar and eat EVERYTHING
-Give Taylors stuff back
I'm listening to a depressing song from Bright Eyes and it's fucking bringing me D O W N.
"Just as I came into this world, all by myself I will leave it"
-The waiting makes me curious, Fear Before the March of Flames
That's my favorite quote that makes my blood run BLACK like my HEART.
I look super nazzz-T in this. OH OH OH OH OH OH OH OH OH OHOHOH
WATCH THIS:
http://www.yayeveryday.com/post/10542
Seriously, I love it. I want to watch it every morning so that the choices I make in the day will make me think of this and help me in making all the right choices that I want.
Anyway, Hannah, I miss you so much. I want you here now plz.
kthxbai
Davis slept over last night and the night before. Thursday night was kind of a mistake haha we both fell asleep and he snuck out the next morning before anyone knew.
But last night he was invited to stay over so he did and we watched planet earth and I fell asleep and had many dreams...
I had a dream that Davis was in a car accident and died and somehow I found out about it and it was tragic And I had to tell Matt and he already knew. But it felt so real...and I was dwelling on all the things I didn't say and that was sad. Very sad to me. But I don't know what it means. Maybe that I should say the things I regretted NOT saying in my dream...but that can't be right because I'm not ready for the things I wanted to say in the dream... I keep thinking in the moment that I am, but afterward, I realize that it wouldn't be the right time. I wonder when the time will be. But it's not now. I don't think this makes any sense to anyone but me.
I hate waking up with someone and then they leave.
I think I'm going to watch a clockwork orange now.
No, no I won't. I cannot watch a clockwork orange.
I will watch...finding nemo or something stupid like that.
Over the Hedge maybe. rofl
No, I'll make Sam go with me to get some chai in a far away coffee shop.
This sucks. This is going to be my summer. Sitting at home on this laptop.
Working occasionally, seeing Davis after 10:30pm. I wish I had more friends out here. I wish Jeze lived here. I wish Hannah lived here. I want to take one of them and break into a pool or something right now. I need to go to SLCC and sign up for my classes, holy fuck.
I need to not eat all day either. If I'm going to be sitting on my ass all day, I cannot eat a whole $2.99 bag of Flamin Hot Cheetos for fucks sake. $.99 maybe, but still. NO. I should just start laying out. Jesus Christ, why don't I just make a summer to do list?!?!?!?!?
-Lay out
-Sign up for SLCC classes
-Hangout with Mindy from work/marmalade square
-Swim in Davis' pool
-Not turn into a cocooning caterpillar and eat EVERYTHING
-Give Taylors stuff back
I'm listening to a depressing song from Bright Eyes and it's fucking bringing me D O W N.
"Just as I came into this world, all by myself I will leave it"
-The waiting makes me curious, Fear Before the March of Flames
That's my favorite quote that makes my blood run BLACK like my HEART.
I look super nazzz-T in this. OH OH OH OH OH OH OH OH OH OHOHOH
WATCH THIS:
http://www.yayeveryday.com/post/10542
Seriously, I love it. I want to watch it every morning so that the choices I make in the day will make me think of this and help me in making all the right choices that I want.
Anyway, Hannah, I miss you so much. I want you here now plz.
kthxbai
6.08.2010
Vegas:
This is my 100th post btw
So Las Vegas. I'm going to tell you about the trip. Mostly because I don't want to forget it. Not that I would, but you know. That's a topic for another day. Marked: fears.
ANYWAY, Davis slept over on thursday night and we left at 10am the next morning to meet at south town mall for the caravan. It was cool, there were a LOT of awesome awesome cars. Including a van that some kids brought to be funny. Everyone blue taped up their cars to keep them safe from rock chips and all that shit. The kids in the van used the tape to decorate the van. On one side, it said "free candy" and on the other side, it was a picture of jesus giving a thumbs up and it said, "passed by the lord" which I thought was particularly funny. On the back was a jesus fish and the license plate was, "WARDVAN" which brought the lawls. Some guys taped phrases on the sides of their cars that said, "tits or gtfo" or "brown girls ftw". Davis and I both agreed that was gross and toolbaggy. We met up with Courtney and Colby and Courtney got me free starbucks (: I really like her, she's so nice. It's good to have people be nice to you for no reason. Everyone needs a little kindness.
ANYWAY, we all left on the journey. Since we all drove together in a big line, we all went 75 mph the whole way there. So it took foreverrrrr. I fell asleep and woke up in st george while we were pulling into the in n out burger parking lot. Everyone decided to eat there too so it was a madhouse.
In St George is when we realized it was hot as balls. I was sweating so bad, my legs were dripping with sweat from the leather seats on my skin. We got to Vegas and to our hotel in the Palace Station, which was pretty cool. We had a room with Courtney and Colby too. Basically, we swam, showered and watched tv A LOT because it was SO fucking hot. We came out of our lair at night to see cars though. They were so cool, they made me want to have a Volkswagen GAT DAMMIT.
The trip was so fun and we went to a crepe place. And then I could feel tension between Courtney and Colby. And they got to the room before us and when we walked in there, Colby walked past us and Courtney was yelling, "YOU KNOW WHAT, YOU REALLY NEED TO GROW UP, COLBY." And then he left. And Davis and I were just like..Uhh.... And then Courtney stormed out. So we went down to the pool, saw them calmly talking in the hall so we left them be. Then we got kicked out of the pool. And I stole a LA hat rofl. But the point is, we all got back to the room and Courtney was getting her clothes on. And it was about midnight and she was like, "I'm going to hangout, I'll be back later." And Colby was like, "whutevr." and then he went to sleep. Well, I woke up at 8am, look over and see Colby starting to wake up. And Courtney isn't there. So he like freaked out and jumped up and put clothes on and I was like, "do you want to use my phone to call her?" and the sound in his voice was pure gratitude, I could tell. So he did. No answer. Called again. No answer. So he left and searched the hotel for her for like an hour and a half and then came back and pretended to be like, "whatever." But Davis and I could tell he was flipping out inside. But I would be too. So he got in the shower and Courtney just walked in all leisurely and whatnot and I was like, "WTF Courtney, Colby has been freaking out." Turns out, she went to the pool at like 7am. So when she went in the bathroom with him, he got all mad and shit about how he was worried. It was sickly sweet. Then we just like packed up and left.
But this is where things get interesting. On the way home, we were about 30 miles from Mesquite and going 106 in a 75 zone. Suddenly, we see lights. It's the police. So we pull over and it's so fucking hot (Davis doesn't have AC) and the cop comes over and is a total asshole. I had my seat belt off cause I took my bra off so he yelled at me for that. Then he went back to his car for like 35 minutes while we're DYING. Comes back and makes me get out of the car and makes me sign my fucking no seat belt ticket. Then makes me stand away from the car where he can see me. Like I'm going to knife him or some shit. Then he makes Davis get out and makes him face the police car and put his hands behind his back and frisks him like he's a criminal or something. I wanted to cry. And he talked to Davis for a second then they walk over to his car and Davis looks at me and says, "Is there anything you want to get out of the car before they impound it?" And I almost died. So I get my purse and we got back in the car to wait for the tow truck. The truck takes us to the impound lot and we wait. Thank fucking GOD that Ruthie, Zach and Hannah Johnson were staying in Vegas or we would have been fucked so hard. So they came and picked us up, took us back to their hotel: the Rivera. We slept on the floor till the next morning at 8am. This is how it went:
Ruthie drove us to the DMV, we got the paperwork we needed, the temporary registration and everything and it gave us much hope.
Ruthie took us to the impound lot to get the car
They failed to tell us we needed to go to highway patrol to get a green slip
Ruthie drove us to the other side of vegas to the highway patrol
Highway patrol to am ATM
Then to the impound lot to get the car.
From 8am to 2pm we were driving and dealing with this.
Seriously, I don't know what we would have done if they weren't in Vegas at that time.
So that was the Vegas trip.
It was good and bad, but mostly good because I was there with Davis and we had fun and made light of the situation. (:
OH, and I bought the MacBook from Davis (: Much more blogging to come, yo.
So Las Vegas. I'm going to tell you about the trip. Mostly because I don't want to forget it. Not that I would, but you know. That's a topic for another day. Marked: fears.
ANYWAY, Davis slept over on thursday night and we left at 10am the next morning to meet at south town mall for the caravan. It was cool, there were a LOT of awesome awesome cars. Including a van that some kids brought to be funny. Everyone blue taped up their cars to keep them safe from rock chips and all that shit. The kids in the van used the tape to decorate the van. On one side, it said "free candy" and on the other side, it was a picture of jesus giving a thumbs up and it said, "passed by the lord" which I thought was particularly funny. On the back was a jesus fish and the license plate was, "WARDVAN" which brought the lawls. Some guys taped phrases on the sides of their cars that said, "tits or gtfo" or "brown girls ftw". Davis and I both agreed that was gross and toolbaggy. We met up with Courtney and Colby and Courtney got me free starbucks (: I really like her, she's so nice. It's good to have people be nice to you for no reason. Everyone needs a little kindness.
ANYWAY, we all left on the journey. Since we all drove together in a big line, we all went 75 mph the whole way there. So it took foreverrrrr. I fell asleep and woke up in st george while we were pulling into the in n out burger parking lot. Everyone decided to eat there too so it was a madhouse.
In St George is when we realized it was hot as balls. I was sweating so bad, my legs were dripping with sweat from the leather seats on my skin. We got to Vegas and to our hotel in the Palace Station, which was pretty cool. We had a room with Courtney and Colby too. Basically, we swam, showered and watched tv A LOT because it was SO fucking hot. We came out of our lair at night to see cars though. They were so cool, they made me want to have a Volkswagen GAT DAMMIT.
The trip was so fun and we went to a crepe place. And then I could feel tension between Courtney and Colby. And they got to the room before us and when we walked in there, Colby walked past us and Courtney was yelling, "YOU KNOW WHAT, YOU REALLY NEED TO GROW UP, COLBY." And then he left. And Davis and I were just like..Uhh.... And then Courtney stormed out. So we went down to the pool, saw them calmly talking in the hall so we left them be. Then we got kicked out of the pool. And I stole a LA hat rofl. But the point is, we all got back to the room and Courtney was getting her clothes on. And it was about midnight and she was like, "I'm going to hangout, I'll be back later." And Colby was like, "whutevr." and then he went to sleep. Well, I woke up at 8am, look over and see Colby starting to wake up. And Courtney isn't there. So he like freaked out and jumped up and put clothes on and I was like, "do you want to use my phone to call her?" and the sound in his voice was pure gratitude, I could tell. So he did. No answer. Called again. No answer. So he left and searched the hotel for her for like an hour and a half and then came back and pretended to be like, "whatever." But Davis and I could tell he was flipping out inside. But I would be too. So he got in the shower and Courtney just walked in all leisurely and whatnot and I was like, "WTF Courtney, Colby has been freaking out." Turns out, she went to the pool at like 7am. So when she went in the bathroom with him, he got all mad and shit about how he was worried. It was sickly sweet. Then we just like packed up and left.
But this is where things get interesting. On the way home, we were about 30 miles from Mesquite and going 106 in a 75 zone. Suddenly, we see lights. It's the police. So we pull over and it's so fucking hot (Davis doesn't have AC) and the cop comes over and is a total asshole. I had my seat belt off cause I took my bra off so he yelled at me for that. Then he went back to his car for like 35 minutes while we're DYING. Comes back and makes me get out of the car and makes me sign my fucking no seat belt ticket. Then makes me stand away from the car where he can see me. Like I'm going to knife him or some shit. Then he makes Davis get out and makes him face the police car and put his hands behind his back and frisks him like he's a criminal or something. I wanted to cry. And he talked to Davis for a second then they walk over to his car and Davis looks at me and says, "Is there anything you want to get out of the car before they impound it?" And I almost died. So I get my purse and we got back in the car to wait for the tow truck. The truck takes us to the impound lot and we wait. Thank fucking GOD that Ruthie, Zach and Hannah Johnson were staying in Vegas or we would have been fucked so hard. So they came and picked us up, took us back to their hotel: the Rivera. We slept on the floor till the next morning at 8am. This is how it went:
Ruthie drove us to the DMV, we got the paperwork we needed, the temporary registration and everything and it gave us much hope.
Ruthie took us to the impound lot to get the car
They failed to tell us we needed to go to highway patrol to get a green slip
Ruthie drove us to the other side of vegas to the highway patrol
Highway patrol to am ATM
Then to the impound lot to get the car.
From 8am to 2pm we were driving and dealing with this.
Seriously, I don't know what we would have done if they weren't in Vegas at that time.
So that was the Vegas trip.
It was good and bad, but mostly good because I was there with Davis and we had fun and made light of the situation. (:
OH, and I bought the MacBook from Davis (: Much more blogging to come, yo.
6.01.2010
a text from Chris Killbourn
"I know that most men fall for this "I'm beautiful and I get my way" part of your personality.. But I know something that none of them know... That there's another side of you. A side that NONE of them get to see. You may act tough, but youre extremely sensitive on the inside. If someone makes a negative comment to you, you may act like it doesn't bother you... But you'll think about it all the way home. I know that you're secretly very sensitive... It's just that most people never get to meet that part of you."
How does he think he knows me?
The worst part is knowing that what he says is true.
And if I pretend it's not true, ill be doing what he says I do.
I've been thinking about it for hours.
What does he mean? Why does he think it's okay to tell me this? Why does he thinks he knows me SO well? Does he really think that I get guys with my "I'm beautiful and I get my way" kind of mentality? DO I come accross like that? Is that all anyone sees from me? Do I even have a sensitive side? Is what he says actually true? Do I really care what people say or do I just blow it off? Now I'm even questioning my own sensitivity. I really don't give a fucking shit when people say shit about me. I really don't. Now, is that statement true, or another lie I tell myself? I really don't know myself that well. All this is coming so fast. This is stupid that fucking Chris fucking Killbourn is forcing me to question myself. I've been putting of a self evaluation for so long because I know I'm not going to like it. I'm a liar. To myself. I make people lie to me so I don't get my feelings hurt. I make Jeze lie to me about Taylor. I make her tell me that Sabrinas car is broken down and all he is doing is giving her a ride to Alexis' house and nothing more because I can't handle the truth. I want to never hear about my friends doing bad shit or talking shit on me because I don't want to hear the truth. I want two faced friends, not enemies. Is that sick? I think it is. I don't want to hear the truth because it will hurt my feelings. Or will it, since I'm so tough and don't give a shit? It gets to me. It always gets to me.
That was me talking to myself. Anyone brave enough to get through all of that and still know what's going on, I congradulate you.
I was reading postsecret this morning and I found this secret and I stared at it for a good 5 minutes and realized that out of all the secrets I've read, I think this is the closest one to me.
And all I could think about is that Taylor was the only ONLY person that figured me out. And that always pissed me off that he knew me, but I didn't know me. It always threw me into jealous fits when he would say, "I knew you'd do that. I think I know you better than you know you." I fucking want that. I NEED TO KNOW ME MORE THAN ANYONE KNOWS ME, GOD FUCKING DAMMIT. And I'm mad that Chris knows that about me. True or not, he shouldn't know that about me. No one should but me. Even if I didn't know it, no one should know. But now everyone is going to know. Everyone that reads this blog at least.
I'm so twisted up inside. But what's teen angst, right?
Speaking of teen angst, I'm listening to From First to Last, "Note to Self".
Such a good song. I just showed Samantha Holman postsecret. I love introducing such a lifechanging website to people. (:
I'm trying to think of things going on right now.
OH, vegas in 3 days (: it's gonna be F U N. Totes.
"I feel so close and yet I am so far"
I'm getting my brazillian tomorrow (yessssssssssssssssssssssssssssss) OH OH OH OH OH OH OH my most recent accomplishment: Davis taught me how to drive a stick shift in his little cabrio. (: It's so cute. With the top down, we drove around the neighborhood and I didn't kill it ONCE. ahhhhhh yes. It's just like riding a motorcycle. Almost. No, actually pretty much the same. I just need to learn how to downshift and go around corners because first gear is basically my only way out. And it's hard haha all I could think of when I was driving was how badly I wished Hannah was in the backseat telling me I have a "need for shhhpeed" rofl
An hour left in this class. I'll probs blog the rest of the time. I don't know why. I am in the typing mood and I haven't looked down at the keyboard seriously this whole time. I can't wait to get a lappytop. I'll probs buy yours, Davis. tststs if you changed your mind and you don't want to sell it, I'll be a very sad sad little girl.... I really hope my nana writes me out a "fat check" like she said she would. Because god dammit, I need it. And I hope my mom sends out my graduation invites FAST so I get ca$$$h mon3y.
So it's the last day of school. I'm looking at Chase (the kid with 2 belly buttons) and I'm going to miss his random outbursts of annoyingness. And I'm not going to see Ms Deshazo again. I'm going to miss this. Maybe not. Bleh...
So I have had a tumblr for a while. Becca took my phone and started following me. And then Angie did so now it's out there. So I'll post it on here.
http://xtabitharose.tumblr.com/
I deleted majority of my content after they started following me though. Just saying. Now I just wrote something on there for you assholes that are reading this. I'm sorry, I shouldn't call you assholes. Everyone that is awesome reads this. CEPT THE H8ERZ. TO THE H8ERZ: FUQ U. And I left you a little message on my tumbr, it's the last 2 words. AH HAHHHHHHHHH
That's me this morning. I look pretty edgy.
Ugh, it's been 21 mintues since I told you we had an hour left. Fuck.
I'm going to do twitter realted things.
Look at this:
tumblr: http://xtabitharose.tumblr.com/
twitter: @xtabitharose
blogger: tabbyrose.blogspot.com
formspring: xtabitharose
myspace: www.myspace.com/liposurefatblockaid2
playlist: http://www.playlist.com/xtabitharose
last.fm: http://www.last.fm/user/tabbykat29 (but I still don't know how the fuck to use last.fm so keep that in mind when visiting my blank ass site)
youtube: TabithaRoseMcC
God, I'm all over the interwebz
How does he think he knows me?
The worst part is knowing that what he says is true.
And if I pretend it's not true, ill be doing what he says I do.
I've been thinking about it for hours.
What does he mean? Why does he think it's okay to tell me this? Why does he thinks he knows me SO well? Does he really think that I get guys with my "I'm beautiful and I get my way" kind of mentality? DO I come accross like that? Is that all anyone sees from me? Do I even have a sensitive side? Is what he says actually true? Do I really care what people say or do I just blow it off? Now I'm even questioning my own sensitivity. I really don't give a fucking shit when people say shit about me. I really don't. Now, is that statement true, or another lie I tell myself? I really don't know myself that well. All this is coming so fast. This is stupid that fucking Chris fucking Killbourn is forcing me to question myself. I've been putting of a self evaluation for so long because I know I'm not going to like it. I'm a liar. To myself. I make people lie to me so I don't get my feelings hurt. I make Jeze lie to me about Taylor. I make her tell me that Sabrinas car is broken down and all he is doing is giving her a ride to Alexis' house and nothing more because I can't handle the truth. I want to never hear about my friends doing bad shit or talking shit on me because I don't want to hear the truth. I want two faced friends, not enemies. Is that sick? I think it is. I don't want to hear the truth because it will hurt my feelings. Or will it, since I'm so tough and don't give a shit? It gets to me. It always gets to me.
That was me talking to myself. Anyone brave enough to get through all of that and still know what's going on, I congradulate you.
I was reading postsecret this morning and I found this secret and I stared at it for a good 5 minutes and realized that out of all the secrets I've read, I think this is the closest one to me.
And all I could think about is that Taylor was the only ONLY person that figured me out. And that always pissed me off that he knew me, but I didn't know me. It always threw me into jealous fits when he would say, "I knew you'd do that. I think I know you better than you know you." I fucking want that. I NEED TO KNOW ME MORE THAN ANYONE KNOWS ME, GOD FUCKING DAMMIT. And I'm mad that Chris knows that about me. True or not, he shouldn't know that about me. No one should but me. Even if I didn't know it, no one should know. But now everyone is going to know. Everyone that reads this blog at least.
I'm so twisted up inside. But what's teen angst, right?
Speaking of teen angst, I'm listening to From First to Last, "Note to Self".
Such a good song. I just showed Samantha Holman postsecret. I love introducing such a lifechanging website to people. (:
I'm trying to think of things going on right now.
OH, vegas in 3 days (: it's gonna be F U N. Totes.
"I feel so close and yet I am so far"
I'm getting my brazillian tomorrow (yessssssssssssssssssssssssssssss) OH OH OH OH OH OH OH my most recent accomplishment: Davis taught me how to drive a stick shift in his little cabrio. (: It's so cute. With the top down, we drove around the neighborhood and I didn't kill it ONCE. ahhhhhh yes. It's just like riding a motorcycle. Almost. No, actually pretty much the same. I just need to learn how to downshift and go around corners because first gear is basically my only way out. And it's hard haha all I could think of when I was driving was how badly I wished Hannah was in the backseat telling me I have a "need for shhhpeed" rofl
An hour left in this class. I'll probs blog the rest of the time. I don't know why. I am in the typing mood and I haven't looked down at the keyboard seriously this whole time. I can't wait to get a lappytop. I'll probs buy yours, Davis. tststs if you changed your mind and you don't want to sell it, I'll be a very sad sad little girl.... I really hope my nana writes me out a "fat check" like she said she would. Because god dammit, I need it. And I hope my mom sends out my graduation invites FAST so I get ca$$$h mon3y.
So it's the last day of school. I'm looking at Chase (the kid with 2 belly buttons) and I'm going to miss his random outbursts of annoyingness. And I'm not going to see Ms Deshazo again. I'm going to miss this. Maybe not. Bleh...
So I have had a tumblr for a while. Becca took my phone and started following me. And then Angie did so now it's out there. So I'll post it on here.
http://xtabitharose.tumblr.com/
I deleted majority of my content after they started following me though. Just saying. Now I just wrote something on there for you assholes that are reading this. I'm sorry, I shouldn't call you assholes. Everyone that is awesome reads this. CEPT THE H8ERZ. TO THE H8ERZ: FUQ U. And I left you a little message on my tumbr, it's the last 2 words. AH HAHHHHHHHHH
That's me this morning. I look pretty edgy.
Ugh, it's been 21 mintues since I told you we had an hour left. Fuck.
I'm going to do twitter realted things.
Look at this:
tumblr: http://xtabitharose.tumblr.com/
twitter: @xtabitharose
blogger: tabbyrose.blogspot.com
formspring: xtabitharose
myspace: www.myspace.com/liposurefatblockaid2
playlist: http://www.playlist.com/xtabitharose
last.fm: http://www.last.fm/user/tabbykat29 (but I still don't know how the fuck to use last.fm so keep that in mind when visiting my blank ass site)
youtube: TabithaRoseMcC
God, I'm all over the interwebz
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