2-12-10

Today I'm sitting in computer technology.
I'm missing Hannah.
I read her blog about lime chips and now I'm entirely jealous.
Westly Book Worm (as mentioned before) is reading articles on "understanding exhaust gas recirculation systems". Gooooood luck with that one, buddy.

So, my papa passed away earlier this month.
I was in class and my dad texted me saying, "Now is the time, hurry fast." And so I ran out, ran to my car, sped to my nanas house, ran in the door and my mom greeted me. She was standing in front of him so I couldn't see him and at this point, I didn't know whether he was alive or not. My mom's watery eyes told me that he was gone. And then she stepped out of the way and I saw what I will never forget.
My Papa was laying on his back, his hospital issued bed was tilted up so he was sitting up. His hands were holding eachother and his mouth hung open. One of his eyes were open, but saggy. And a tear was falling out. I had barely missed him pass. And I was doing okay because I knew it was a good thing....until my Nana told me what I'll never forget. She said that JUST when he was about to go...literally 5 seconds before he died, he turned his head to the window, opened his eyes wide and smiled. In the last 2 weeks, he hadn't moved his head, hadn't blinked hadn't spoke. It was like he died weeks before he was pronounced dead. And my nana is convinced that he saw the angels coming down to him to take him and they did and he died that way.
When she told me this, I LOST it. I was crying all over the place. I was making a fool out of myself because here everyone is having a "happy" day and I'm in the bathroom strung out on the floor nearly puking because I'm crying so hard. And my dad was there and my Aunt Cathy had just barely made it the night before from Conneticut. But my mom missed it. When he started the death rattle, my Aunt called my mom and put the phone up to papas ear and my mom told him she loved him and whatnot. And when she sped to my nanas house, at first she was praying that she'd make it in time. And then she had a change of heart and she kept saying, "Dad, you don't have to wait for me. Just go...it's alright Daddy."

SO basically, it's a heartbreaker. ):

I miss my papa.
He called me his Tab and told me I looked gorgeous everytime I saw him.