Public Display of Emotion:

I've made a blog :/
Am I excited?
Yes [x]
No [ ]
Sweeettttt, this is going to be a shitty first blog because i'm in english doing my research paper (Fingers crossed). I'm also really emotional and I don't want to start crying for the second time, yes, the SECOND time at school in the last 2 hours. I just cried for about 20 minutes in the hallway with Ms. Waite because she took me into the hall to tell me that i've lost my "sparkle" and that she can't trust me. Owtf. Why? Because I was having a HORRIBLE day and took a mental health day? I'm sorry, but my own well-being is a priority to PLT. It's a fab class and all, but I'd rather cry in the privacy of my own home than have 10 mormon girls judge me because my friends are into drugs. (Well, 9 girls excluding Rachel Denny<3)and I UNLOADED. I just unloaded. About my best friend moving away, about my best friend who judges me, about my best friend who's a liar. Horrible. Horrible day. Thank god for Ms. Nackos though. She's helped me through some pretty tough shiiii. Sitting in detention afterschool, I was reading a book called, The Informers by Bret Easton Ellis. I read a passage that made me feel safe.
"I seem to be getting more philosophical these days, especially here in the dessert outside L.A. Or maybe it's just survival tactics. One thing i'm learning is not to expect too much of people. If I do, I always feel let down. And there really isn't any need to feel that way."
Exactly.
I'm bored. I want to eat so bad. I'd give anything for The Dodo. The french dip with red peppers.. mm. But my mom is making some kind of cassorole. I probably won't eat it. I went to the gynocologist yesterday and they weighed me and i'm 110 lbs. I've lost 6 pounds in a month. I like it I guess. When I was in Jr. High, I tried to not eat and I'd watch my weight and I would seriously consider throwing up after meals. I tried and was unsuccessful. If I got over 115 lbs I went ape shit and I would cut food out altogether. And then I just stopped caring. And it seems like once I stopped getting so involved with my weight, I lost weight. It's all too weird to me. And only lately have I started feeling the hunger pains and enjoyed the feeling. I only felt like that years ago, but the pleasure has returned. I'm starving right now, and my mom set a box of frosted mini donuts in front of me and wrote "TABBY'S, PLEASE DON'T EAT." I bet I won't be the one to finish off the box. This topic is too much for today, I think i'm just bored. This is day 4 that Taylor has left me to go home to do his research paper and has texted me around 7pm saying that he's just been watching tv or something like that. And i've been sick, (thanks Hannah) and he has brought me slurpees though. Some weird crystal lite peach mango flavor. It burns my raw, stinging throat, but it's water and i'm pretty dehydrated. It's 4:20. Fuck drugs.